Iubire Diary
by Somnis Morpheus
Summary: 'Why did I have to fall in love with you' he though in his head as they left for a nearby bar. He grabbed Nikola's hand, the Bulgarian only stared at him oddly, but sighed and continued to lead the Romanian to their destination.'But I regret nothing, not even for falling in love with you. (T- for swearing) A/N: Title change
1. I fell in love

**Author's note: I know I have a lot of unfinished fics and I'm posting this, but this is just an outlet I guess. Plus we need more BulRo or RoBul.**

**This is dedicated to a certain someone.**

**I used different names this time. Just to try them out, actually I have a lot of names for Rom and two for Bul.**

**names:**

**Nikola Balakov - Bulgaria**

**Vladimir Lupei - Romania**

**Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine**

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><p><strong><em><span>I fell in love<span>_**

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><p><strong><em>I feel in love…<em>**

_To be completely honest, I never asked for this. This thing called 'love', why would I? From what I have experienced, it would only ever bring pain. What then would that accomplish? But I can't help but fall in love with the most ridiculously stubborn person. It was like a battle field trying to befriend him, and any chances of dating him? It's a negative zero._

_But I can't help myself, behind his smug and aloof exterior, he is actually a sweetie. Why else would I have fallen for him? If you asked me on our first day meeting that 'are there any chances you would fall in love with Nikola?' I would have laughed at their face before giving them a 'Hell No!'._

_But here I' am, in love with that stuck up jackass. Sure, over the months we've known each other, we became extremely close. He is still a stubborn, stuck up, Jackass though. I fell in love with that geek who would spend his rare time sewing, or gardening. I fell in love with the jackass who gives almost everyone the 'I'm-done-with-your-shit' look. I fell in love with Nikola Balakov. I fell in love with that person who would try to dry my tears in his own awkwardly cute way. I fell in love with the idiot who would listen to my stupid little rants. The idiot who would put up with my randomness._

_I fell in love with the only person who ever gave me the attention I needed._

_Of course, this love story would end with my heart breaking. It always does. He would find someone better, someone who is best suited for him. I would be left with the shards of my broken heart. I loved him too much to actually tie him down to me. Sometimes though, I'm a selfish bastard, I want him to pay attention to me. And only me._

_But I love him too much to monopolize him like that._

_Even writing this down is saddening, I feel like crying. He is one of the few people I would ever shed tears for, and I only ever had four. Why must I fall in love with you? Stupid Nikola, always making things painful for me. I wish you'd love me too—-_

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><p>"What are you moping about?"<p>

As soon as he heard the voice Vladimir raised his head quickly from his journal. Red eyes met with impassive green ones, as his 'best friend' was looking at him with him slight concern. The Romanian quickly hid his journal, earning a raised brow from the Bulgarian in front of him. He couldn't let him read his journal, No. The Romanian will never allow his friend to find out about his true feelings.

"It's nothing Nikola!" the Romanian chirped, making his sadness with a bright smile.

Nikola only stared at Vladimir for a few second before sighing in annoyance. "Fine whatever Vlad." He muttered.

The Romanian couldn't help but frown slightly, noting how stressed Nikola looked. The Bulgarian is often too busy, and it worried the Romanian slightly. Nikola will never admit a weakness, No, he was too proud for that. Today must have been those, 'I-wish-the-world-would-burn' days for the Bulgarian.

"Are you alright?" he asked the other with concern.

"The usual." The Bulgarian mumbled, looking away slightly.

The Romanian kept quiet for a while, before he started talking about things that happened that day. To be honest, they were trivial things. But for Vladimir, as long as it will distract Nikola for a while, then maybe he could try by talking about random silliness. Indeed, some of his stories brought a small smile to the other's face. And Vladimir felt proud for that.

"So, why did you look upset?" the Bulgarian suddenly asked after a while.

The strawberry blonde paused as he stared at his brunette friend, "It's nothing."

"Go on tell me." The other urged looking slightly awkward.

'I love you.' The Romanian thought in his head, "My Brother is just spending too much time with Ivan." He lied instead.

The Bulgarian nodded in understanding, "You know what you need? A drink, I feel like having Rakija myself." He said with a slight grin.

The Romanian smiled slightly, and nodded his head in agreement. There were a few things that needed to be said, but the Romanian opted not to tell his friend; For Nikola's sake, and the sake of their friendship. The Bulgarian offered to buy him a drink, and the Romanian agreed, he could never say no to his love.

_'Why did I have to fall in love with you?'_ he though in his head as they left for a nearby bar. He grabbed Nikola's hand, the Bulgarian only stared at him oddly, but sighed and continued to lead the Romanian to their destination._'But I regret nothing, not even for falling in love with you.'_

The Romanian gave the other a loving smile, as long as they are together, it was enough for him.

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><p><strong>Author's note: So I hope you guys enjoyed it. It's too cute isn't it!<strong>

**Please excuse Typographical errors, Grammatical errors and poor plotting**

**Thank you for reading!**


	2. Invisible

**Author's note: Alright, I really wasn't thinking that I would turn this into a chaptered fic. But I wrote another story similar in structure, I thought I would turn it into a seprate one shot but since it follows 'I fell in love' 's initial plot, I have decided to combine them and Rename it. 'Iubire Diary' (Iubire is Romanian for "Love")**

**So a new character makes a cameo, yes Serbia uwu**

**This is actually - well the whole story is dedicated to someone special uwu**

**Names:**

**Nikola Balakov - Bulgaria**

**Vladimir Lupei - Romania**

**Milivoj Kovac - Serbia**

**Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine**

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><p>Invisible<p>

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><p><em><strong>Invisible...<strong>_

_I don't really know what could be much worse? Being truly unseen by the people around you, but seen by the person who is the most important, or being seen by everyone but not to the person who is the most important? For me it has always been the latter. It is painful, and saddening and no could ever heal that pain in your heart._

_There are some people I knew that were never seen. Almost invisible, Matthew Williams was one, sometimes even his friends forget him, even his own family. But when I look at him with his partner, his partner who never forgot him, never ignored him, and always saw him for him. I couldn't help but feel jealous of that. Fell jealous that he was visible to that one person who matters the most._

_I wish I was like that, that Nikola would see me. Admittedly everyone could see me, my best friends Arthur and Lukas, my brother Andrei, and even my rival Elizabeta. And yet, the person who mattered the most, the person who I wanted to see me the most, could never truthfully see me. Sure we hang out, but he never noticed my efforts and sacrifice for him, he never noticed how many times he has hurt me by brushing me away. He never saw me, never looked at me, and never cared to see._

_I was invisible to him, I was nothing. He has often done this to me, only ever talking to me when he has no one else, or worst because they got annoyed with his personality. Nikola was never the sociable type, and sometimes, he doesn't have the best of tempers. I was always patient with him though, always for him._

_I mostly feel like, a second choice of some sort. Sure, our relationship was not quite the best at first. But even when we became closer, he was still either awkward or brushes me off completely. I was invisible to him, I was nothing of importance. I mean nothing to him. He never looks my way, never sees how much I love him, how much I want him to see me._

_But I was invisible to him, he can never see me-_

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><p>"That's quite a bit of writing you have there."<p>

Vladimir almost jumped on his seat, whipping his head to the source. He looked at concerned blue eyes. He sighed as he shook his head as the brown haired man reached to pet his head. The taller of the two sighed as he retracted his hand from reaching out to the smaller. The Serbian shook his head as the Romanian refused his comforting touches.

"Is it about that-" he started to say but the Romanian cut him off.

"Nu!" he denied quickly, not even letting the Serbian finish his sentence.

The taller of the two sighed. This was something Milivoj has seen almost every day now for the past few years. His friend was hopelessly in love with his rival. The idiot Bulgarian couldn't see how the one person that could ever love him was his own self proclaimed best friend. He sighed, these two are just impossible. He sighed as he couldn't help but think this was the Bulgarian's fault, if only he saw how much the Romanian cared for him, how much he has hurt him. However it was also Vladimir's fault for holding his tongue.

"Maybe if you actually told him how you felt," Milivoj suggested gently, "he might actually see how important you are to him."

Vladimir shook his head slowly, "You know I can't." He said softly, staring at the journal on his lap.

"Vlad, you stuck by him even though he was a pain in the ass." The Serbian said with slight annoyance, "If that idiot can't see how important you are then he doesn't deserve you at all."

"He only sees me as a friend." The Romanian replied, his voice stuttering at the last word. "A sibling at most..."

Milivoj sighed tiredly, what was it was always like this for the two; Vladimir would try to hide the sadness he felt from the unrequited love, and the Bulgarian would continue to be blinded to see how much the Romanian cared for him. The Serbian was no longer able to find which one of these two he should feel sorry for; should he feel sorry for Vlad for falling in love with an idiot or should he feel sorry for Nikola who could not see how much Vladimir loved him-

"What are you doing here Kovac?" a new voiced said in an irate voice.

"Nikola!" Vladimir chirped cheerfully as he saw his Bulgarian friend approached.

But instead of greeting back, the Bulgarian merely concentrated on the presence of the Serbian in front of him, "What are you doing here Kovac?"

Milivoj frowned as he saw Vladimir's face crumble slightly; hurt that he was ignored and forgotten at the mere presence of another person. Milivoj shook his head, theses idiots are sad to watch. He sometimes wonders, if this was some skit for a sad pathetic drama, between an idiot who fell in love with another idiot.

He sighed as he stared behind the Bulgaria to look at Vlad's Ruby like eyes. He could already see the sadness of those vibrant eyes, but now, they were dulling due to sadness. Upon meeting concerned dark blue eyes, the Romanian shook his head and mouthed: 'I'm fine...'

And Milivoj knew, as long as Nikola was by Vladimir's side, it would be alright for the blonde. As long as they are friends, it was enough for the Romanian. And Milivoj was sick of this, but he has to keep quiet. No, he would be silent. This was not something he could fix; those two should do it themselves.

_'one of these days, being together will no longer be enough.' _Milivoj thought as he continued to ignore the glare of the Bulgarian,_ 'One of these days...You have to tell him.'_

But until then, the Romanian would remain invisible to the Bulgarian's eyes. And until then, the Romanian would continue to hope that one day, he would be seen.

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><p><strong>Author's note: Well I might post something again, but just in case I'm leaving it at 'Complete' uwu<strong>

**Please excuse poor plotting, grammatical and Typographical errors**

**Thank you for reading, read and review uwu**


	3. Martyr

**Author's note: Hei, hahaha I wrote another diary like entry, so it will have to be placed in this fic.**

**Still dedicated to that idiot who always makes me cry.**

**Characters:**

**Nikola Balakov - Bulgaria**

**Vladimir Lupei - Romania**

**Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine**

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><p><strong>Martyr<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Martyr...<strong>_

_That would be the best words to describe my situation now. I was hurting myself, suffering, for the sake of the person I love. How many tears have a shed simply for Nikola's happiness? How much pain have I suffered to see him happy? How much more of this torture can I withstand before I give up? But I know I will never give up, not until I stopped loving him._

_Was this what Heroes felt? was this what saints felt? Was this what angels felt? This pain. This never ending pain and suffering. The pain, unbearable pain that brought tears to the eyes of many. And yet they held unto the thin strand called life. Was this what they felt? how did they survive? how long can they last? This pain-It's unbearable._

_It was the usual, I gave myself willingly to him. Everything just to make him happy. Anything, and everything that I can offer him, I would have given. I know it's stupid, but can you blame me? I love him. I love him so much that it tears me apart when he is sad. I love him so much that it tears me apart when he doesn't notice me. I love him so much that it tears me apart that he doesn't love me. I love him so much, that it tears me apart._

_I love him, and I would willingly martyr myself for his happiness. I've always been like that, I thought of other's first-but for Nikola it was different. I can never deny him anything, no matter how much it hurts me. I can never ignore him, no mater how much he pushes me away, rejecting me. I can never stop caring for that idiot I fell in love has become my priority._

_It scares me, but at the same time, it makes me happy. Because I knew, that he has someone. It began like that, there was a silent plea for help, no matter how much he would act tough. I stood by him then, even when he tried to push me away. I admit, we didn't get along before, but as I helped him, spend time with him, I saw a side of him that I fell for. And slowly, we warmed to each other-and then I fell in love._

_It was the most complicated, dramatic, and complex situation. But that is a story for another time. It would take years for me to narrate the whole thing in this little book. For now I shall focus on my dilemma, my impulse to sacrifice myself for him. I know it's a bad thing, but I can't help it. I have done this multiple times, broke down numerous times, and had my heart broken every time. And yet I persist, simply to be by his side._

_Because, I will willingly give everything for his happiness-_

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><p>"What are you even writing in that darn book?"<p>

The strawberry blonde couldn't help a squeak as someone poked his forehead. Shutting his journal quickly, his ruby eyes met the emerald one's of his 'best friend' and love. The Bulgarian had a scowl on his face and the Romanian gave him a smile in return. It looks like the brunette was having a bad day and the Romanian couldn't help but worry. Being friends for sometime helped him read Nikola like a book, after all, they knew each other like the back of their hands.

"That's private Niko, you know that." he said with a mischievous smile. He chuckled as the other grunted in response. "You look like you want to murder someone, so what's wrong?"

"None of your business." the Bulgarian hissed harshly, crossing his arms in anger.

'ouch, looks like it's bad', the Romanian though. With a sighed, Vladimir looked at Nikola, noticing that the other is tense. Faintly, he could smell cigarette smoke, therefore it was obvious that the Bulgarian smoked before coming by. He wanted to shake his head, to reach out and hug him, but he knew to keep his distance, especially when the Bulgarian is in his moods.

"Is it about work?" he asked his friends, playing the question game, "are you stressed?"

This was a common thing, to play this sort of game. Whenever the Bulgarian refuses to speak, the Romanian would question him about the usual problems the other complains about. It was like an investigation of some sort. It was a detective game, where Vladimir has to outwit Nikola into admitting what was wrong. This was how their 'heart to heart' talks would start. A game of wit and words.

"Work was fine." came the grumbled response from the angry Bulgarian, "I'm always stressed but today was fine."

"Is it about Milivoj?" the strawberry blonde mused, "You know, you two should start trying to make amends."

The Bulgarian snorted, "It's always that Serb, and I will never make amends with him." he said with a sneer, "Good thing I haven't seen him."

So it wasn't their Serbian friend, Vladimir thought about it for a bit more. Normally, Nikola, although grumpy at most, had very little things to stressed about. Some of them, the Romanian couldn't name because it will only pain the Bulgarian. But there are so few things he could actually voice out. So few that the Bulgarian had willingly shared with him. He thought of it long and hard.

"Is it about the person you like?" he whispered silently.

There was a pause, a long pause. But Vladimir knew, without Nikola replying, it was about that person. Sighing, the Romanian waited for the other to voice out the problem. It can go two ways, either the Bulgarian would deny it, or he would affirm it. And based from the silence, it would most probably be the latter.

"They don't like me." Nikola finally muttered, "They probably hate me, or maybe think I don't exist."

The Romanian felt his heart clench at the words. If there was one thing he hated hearing, was Nikola belittling himself. Nikola may not show it, but the Bulgarian isn't always confident, in fact he could be quite down hearted. No matter how strong he was, he still felt weak inside due to the loneliness. And that was something Vladimir hated, not only because he couldn't help him, but also because it seems his efforts were never enough.

"Hei! Cheer up! it only needs a little push!" he chirped as he reached to ruffle the other's dark hair. Ignoring the scowl the Romanian continued to force himself to smile and sound cheerful, "Talk to them! I'll be here in case you need help!"

The other scowled, "i don't need your help or your encouragement." he muttered, "I'm done. They will never like me."

The smile on his face almost cracked, but Vladimir continued to smile, "awww~ don't be like that! I'm sure they like you!" he chirped cheerfully, that fake sickening happiness hurting his ears.

"Don't even try to help." Nikola scowled, "Don't but into my business. Go fix your own problems first."

"But Nikola, you are my priority!" he said with mock shock, "of course I'll never abandon you, you are first in my heart."

The other blushed and scowled at the remark, "Don't say embarrassing things, damn it." he muttered, "deal with your own problems first."

'You are my priority though' he thought, but only shook his head and continued to try and cheer up the obviously distressed Bulgarian. If there was something Vladimir hated was seeing Nikola unhappy. It made his heart break, because the Bulgarian was his everything. Aside from his sibling Andrei, Nikola was first. His priority. He has always been his priority ever since he fell in love with him. He can never deny him anything, especially if it would make the other happy.

The smiles he wore were becoming even more fake, especially when he was with Nikola. He couldn't bear to let the other know that he was the cause of his new found sadness. The Bulgarian would have blamed himself, and it would have only made him more distant. Vladimir couldn't have that. No. He will sacrifice even his happiness for the sake of the person he loved the most.

_'You will always be my priority.' _he thought as the Bulgarian attempted to push him away again. Rejecting his help, and him, over and over again, _'I don't mind hurting, just to see you happy.' _The Romanian continued to force his smile, to try and protect Nikola's happiness. To martyr himself for the person he loves.

Because for Vladimir, everything is fine as long as they are together.

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><p><strong>Author's note: Poor Vladimir, he's hurting himself more and more and yet Nikola can't see his efforts<strong>

**would this end good or bad? would he ever be happy? what do you guys think?**

**Anyway please forgive poor plotting, typographical errors, and Grammatical errors (My microsoft word is broken again ahaha)**

**read and review!**


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